Recently, I was asked to share some advice about self-care for mothers by a woman expecting her first child. She was experiencing a high degree of stress, due to what she described as our “fast-paced era”, and described wanting to be there for her children and to live a long and healthy life.
Whether or not children are part of the picture, we all experience stressors. We all get overwhelmed at times. This is supposed to happen! We are meant to experience a degree of stress, because without it, we can’t improve our resilience. Exercise is a stressor, and it’s this challenge to our bodies that allows us to get stronger and fitter. Emotional and mental stressors work in the same way.
However, there’s a sweet spot. We suffer from too little stress, and we suffer from too much stress. When stress becomes our default setting, our bodies can get stuck in survival mode. Our whole system begins to deteriorate. Problems like illness (physical and mental) can set in.
Self-Care for Resilience
This is why self-care is so important. As mothers, the demands on us are not unexpected. Yet as every new mother knows, we could never in our wildest dreams have imagined what would be required of us as a parent. After the birth of our first child, we feel out of our depth. We have a big enough task just doing all the things that life demands of us before we have a child, then adding in a little being who is reliant on you every minute of the day? It’s a big ask.
Keeping on top of your self-care will support you to maintain your health, continue to grow and thrive, and bolster you with the energy and well-being you need to care for your child. Small healthy habits done consistently over your lifetime will serve you a thousand times better than intensive self-care only when you’ve hit breaking point.
Stress will be a part of your life – that’s a given. Resilience means navigating the rough waters with your life jacket on, your sails at the ready, and your North Star shining up ahead, knowing there are calm waters on the other side of the tumultuous waves.
How To Stay Healthy and Resilient As a Mother in a Fast-Paced World
I for sure don’t always do my self-care perfectly. I’m still learning! And here’s my first tip:
1. Drop the perfection
Self-care shouldn’t feel like a bootcamp. If you miss your daily walk because you’re exhausted, snack from a vending machine while your kid has a doctor’s appointment, feel irritated all the way through meditation, or got a rubbish sleep last night, it’s ok. It’s expected. Not just because you’re a mother, but because you’re human. Let it go, and get back on track as soon as you can. Give yourself love and compassion during these times. “Wear life loosely” is a phrase I heard recently that applies here.
2. Recognize overwhelm
There were times (many) that life was overwhelming and felt like a lot during my early years of motherhood. My son was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at 18 months old, so it was challenging to have that added to everything else. (I don’t think you need a chronic condition to find motherhood or life challenging – on its own, life is more than enough!)
After being overworked, overstressed, exhausted, and getting recurrent pneumonia, I think the best advice I could give here is to do “slow” things when you recognize overwhelm. Ask yourself: How can I slow my mind and my body?
Simplify as much as possible: slow walks without being plugged into music or podcasts; reduce media and find quiet times to sit; regular digital detoxes; get bored – we’ve lost the art of boredom in our society, to our detriment (creativity and insights arise when we are doing nothing!); do slow, restorative yoga; do a few minutes of strength exercises with just your body weight; simplify your meals (eg protein + steamed veggies).
Aim to slow down, reduce, decrease.
3. Get back to basics
This is related to simplifying. It sounds cheesy, obvious, or cliché, but return to the health basics we all hear over and over (and therefore, largely dismiss or forget). Writing them down and sticking them somewhere prominent can help remind you. Things like:
- Get out in nature when you can. A local park counts – anywhere with grass, trees, water or just open space uncluttered by buildings will help.
- Drink enough water. If you’re prone to drinking less than you need, fill a 2-litre container with water every morning, and ensure you drink at least that much by the end of the day.
- Get serious about sleep. I know most of us struggle with this, and it’s easier said than done, especially for moms with young kids. We should strive for 6–8 hours. If you’re chronically sleep deprived, work on your sleep hygiene: ensure your bedroom is completely dark (if you can’t achieve this, consider a sleep mask); turn off screens at least 1 hour before bed, preferably longer; dim the lights at sundown or use specialized light bulbs that do not contain blue light waves; consider using blue-light blocking glasses in the evenings; if you have insomnia, try Yoga Nidra sleep meditations (there are thousands of free ones on YouTube); go outside and get 10–20 minutes of morning sunlight in your eyes soon after waking (this is a simple but powerful trigger to set your circadian rhythm for optimal sleep later).
- Move daily. It doesn’t have to be big. Even on some days if all you have time for is a walk, then do that. Throughout my life I did some kind of sport or yoga. Now I am back to focusing more on strength training, but I still do a lot of other types of movement. Even if you are not premenopausal or anywhere near that, I still recommend weights to keep your body strong and metabolism moving. In terms of movement, do what you enjoy, or what you are curious about – that is what will keep you healthy and fit. Do not tell yourself you are too busy. If it’s not an urgent need or a health need, put the computer/phone whatever else away and go do the workout, walk or the thing that will help you to slow down. All the “urgent” stuff will be there when you come back.
- Eat healthy – mostly plants. The biggest “nutrition hack” is to avoid processed and junk foods. Not every day will be perfect, but eat well most of the time. Stock your kitchen with fresh foods – it helps. A meal can be some vegetable sticks, hummus, and a few nuts. This is not about dieting or deprivation – this is a valid, super quick, well-balanced meal! Having these foods on standby can make your life healthier and easier, and it’s a good meal for a young child to have too.
- Avoid risky substances. Smoking, vaping, alcohol, other drugs. If you use any of these, don’t overdo it. I love a good glass of wine, but too much alcohol is not good for us. Could you limit yourself to 1–2 drinks per week? If not, consider eliminating alcohol altogether, because it may be costing you more than just the price tag on the bottle. I know this sounds super obvious, and if you are using/overusing risky substances, there’s a reason for doing so, and it’s not likely to change after reading in a blog “hey, stop that”. But it needs to be said. These substances add substantial stress and overwhelm to your body and mind, so seek whatever support you need to ease off or eliminate these.
- Find your community. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good, or bring you positive vibes. Community is such an important part of our overall well-being. You can find community in a lot of places – often linked to things you enjoy.
- Resist marketing. I’m talking about products, services, memberships and images marketed relentlessly at mothers, convincing us that the only way we can feel better and be better parents is by paying money and adding more and more into our lives. Sometimes when we sign up for things like yoga classes, a wellness retreat, or home-delivered meals, it is truly supportive. If it adds value to your life (and/or removes stress), I’m not suggesting you get rid of it. Just be mindful of all the ways you’re being targeted, and ask yourself what you’re really needing right now. Often, the answer is less, not more.
4. Breathe
Don’t underestimate the power of pausing to take three deep, slow breaths in moments of stress. Allow the exhales to be longer than the inhales – this sends a soothing message of safety to your nervous system. Just the fact that you are here, reading this blog, is an indication that you’re going to be, or already are, a wonderful, resilient, loving, caring and present mother.
A Mother’s Self-Care Becomes Instilled in Her Children
All of this is not just self-care for mothers; it is care for your children and family that will have a ripple effect on their lives and on your family life as a whole. Start as you mean to continue – instill these habits in your young family so that they become no-brainers to them as they grow.
As children become adolescents and teens, these self-care habits can help them manage their stress too. And if their stress is less, yours will be, too. There will still be stress, but these basic practices will go a long way to helping them be resilient. They’ll be better able to cope with life’s demands.
If your kids don’t seem to like any of this when they are young, continue to lead by example. Someday, they’ll surprise you with what they have absorbed from you. Just as kids learn to like foods they reject at first, they will unconsciously embody these wellness basics, and they will later do them automatically, which will set them up for a lifetime of thriving.
Health Coaching for Mothers
It can be so supportive to have a coach to guide you during motherhood, whether you’re expecting a baby, in the early years of parenting, or your kids are old enough to allow you to now focus on yourself.
As a young mom, I was so overwhelmed that I often wished I had someone to just tell me what to do, so I no longer had to think or plan to be healthy while in survival mode, caring for an infant with a chronic condition that was brand new to me. I know this experience is not unique to caregivers – all mothers are overwhelmed and in need of a compassionate guide.
Reach out and book your free health-planning session today. This is a gift with no conditions attached – a 45-minute Zoom chat where we can talk about your unique challenges, where you’d like to be, and how you can get there.
You’ve got this, Mama! 🫶
